You’re between her legs, moving your tongue around, and you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing.
Are you supposed to use the tip? The flat part? Go fast? Go slow? Make circles? Spell the alphabet like some random internet article told you?
You’re basically just…licking. Hoping something works.
And from the lack of response you’re getting, it’s pretty clear nothing is working.
Here’s the truth: Most men have no clue how to use their tongue during oral sex on women.
You’re not doing it on purpose. Nobody ever taught you. Porn doesn’t show you the actual technique—just some guy’s head bobbing between a woman’s legs.
But I’m about to change that.
I’m a woman. An intimacy coach. And I’m going to teach you exactly how to use your tongue during oral sex so your wife actually reaches orgasm.
No more random licking. No more guessing. No more disappointing sex.
By the end of this article, you’ll know the five specific tongue techniques that work, when to use each one, and how to combine them for maximum pleasure.
Let’s fix this problem right now.
WHY RANDOM LICKING DOESN’T WORK (The Real Reason She’s Not Coming)
Before I teach you how to use your tongue during oral sex on women the right way, you need to understand why what you’re currently doing isn’t working.
Here’s what’s happening:
You’re treating her clitoris like it’s a target you need to hit with random tongue movements. A little lick here. A swirl there. Maybe some fast flicking. Then some slow licking.
It’s like throwing darts blindfolded and hoping one lands on the bullseye.
But here’s what women actually need to orgasm from oral sex:
CONSISTENT, RHYTHMIC STIMULATION in a specific pattern for 15-20 minutes.
Not variety. Not surprise. Not random creativity.
Consistency.
Think about how you masturbate. Do you change your hand movement every 10 seconds? Do you switch from fast to slow to circular to up-and-down constantly?
Hell no. You find a rhythm that feels good and you stick with it until you come.
That’s exactly how to use your tongue during oral sex on women.
The problem is, nobody ever told you this. So you’re out there improvising, thinking you need to be creative and “keep it interesting.”
Wrong.
Let me teach you what actually works.
THE ANATOMY LESSON YOU NEED (What Your Tongue Is Actually Touching)
Before you can master how to use your tongue during oral sex on women, you need to understand what you’re working with.
Pop quiz: What’s the clitoris?
If you said “that little button at the top,” you’re partially right. But you’re missing about 90% of the picture.
The clitoris is a massive structure with 18 parts. It has:
- The glans (the visible “button” you can see)
- Two “legs” or crura that extend 4 inches inside her body
- The clitoral hood (like a foreskin covering the glans)
- Over 8,000 nerve endings (twice as many as your entire penis, concentrated in a tiny area)
When you’re learning how to use your tongue during oral sex on women, you’re primarily focused on the external clitoris—that glans at the top where the inner lips meet.
But here’s the key: Direct stimulation of the clitoris can be TOO INTENSE, especially at first.
That’s why you need to know different tongue techniques and when to use each one.
Your tongue has different parts you can use:
- The tip: (pointed, precise, intense)
- The flat: (broad, softer, less intense)
- The underside: (even softer, good for teasing)
- The sides: (different angle, variety without changing rhythm)
Most men default to using just the tip. That’s a mistake.
Let me show you the five techniques you need to master.
TECHNIQUE #1: THE BROAD STROKE (Your Foundation Move)
This is how to use your tongue during oral sex on women when you’re first starting.
What it is: Using the flat, broad part of your tongue to lick her entire vulva in long, slow strokes from bottom to top.
When to use it: In the first 3-5 minutes of oral sex, before you go directly for the clitoris.
Why it works: It warms her up, gets her used to the sensation, and stimulates the entire area without being too intense.
How to do it:
- 1. Flatten your tongue as wide as possible
- 2. Start at the bottom of her vaginal opening
- 3. Lick slowly upward, covering the entire vulva
- 4. Go ALL the way up past the clitoris
- 5. Repeat in a slow, steady rhythm (one lick every 2-3 seconds)
Pro tip: Make it wet. Use your saliva generously. A dry tongue feels rough and uncomfortable. A wet tongue glides smoothly.
This broad stroke technique is your warm-up. You’re not trying to make her come yet. You’re building arousal and getting her body ready for more intense stimulation.
Think of it like foreplay for oral sex. You wouldn’t grab your dick and immediately start jerking as fast as you can, right? You’d start slow, build up.
Same principle here.
Spend at least 2-3 minutes using this broad stroke technique before moving to the next one. This is foundational knowledge for how to use your tongue during oral sex on women effectively.
TECHNIQUE #2: THE CLITORAL TEASE (Building Anticipation)
Once you’ve done the broad strokes for a few minutes, it’s time to focus more on her clitoris—but not directly yet.
What it is: Using your tongue to lick around the clitoris in circles, getting close but not touching it directly.
When to use it: After the warm-up broad strokes, before direct clitoral stimulation.
Why it works: It builds anticipation and arousal. Her body starts craving direct touch, which makes the direct touch even more intense when you finally give it to her.
How to do it:
- 1. Use the flat or slightly pointed tongue (your choice)
- 2. Lick in circles around her clitoral area
- 3. Get close to the clitoris but don’t touch it directly yet
- 4. Vary the size of your circles (larger, then smaller)
- 5. Keep the rhythm steady and consistent
**Pro tip:** Pay attention to her body. If her hips start moving toward your mouth, she’s ready for direct stimulation. If she’s pushing away or seems tense, spend more time teasing.
This is a crucial step in how to use your tongue during oral sex on women. Most guys skip this and go straight for the clitoris, which can be overwhelming or even painful.
The tease builds the arousal. It makes her BEG for direct touch.
When you finally do touch her clitoris directly after this teasing, the sensation is 10x more intense.
Spend another 2-3 minutes on this technique.
TECHNIQUE #3: THE RHYTHMIC LICK (Your Orgasm-Maker)
Alright, this is the big one. This is the core technique for how to use your tongue during oral sex on women to actually make them orgasm.
What it is: Consistent, rhythmic licking directly on or near the clitoris at about 60 beats per minute (one lick per second).
When to use it: This is your main technique. Once she’s warmed up and aroused, you’ll use this for the majority of oral sex (10-15 minutes).
Why it works: Women need consistent, rhythmic stimulation to build to orgasm. Changing rhythm or pattern resets the arousal buildup.
How to do it:
1. Use the flat part of your tongue (not the tip—too intense)
2. Choose ONE pattern:
- Vertical: Up and down strokes directly on the clitoris
- Horizontal: Side to side strokes across the clitoris
- Circular: Small circles directly on the clitoris
3. Pick ONE rhythm: About 60 beats per minute (one lick per second)
4. DO NOT CHANGE IT once you find what works
The critical rule: Once she responds positively (moaning, hips moving, breathing faster), LOCK IT IN. Do not change your tongue pattern, rhythm, or pressure.
This is where most men screw up how to use their tongue during oral sex on women. You get excited when she responds and think “She likes it! Let me do MORE!”
So you speed up, or change the pattern, or add pressure.
And just like that, you’ve brought her back down from the edge.
Don’t do that.
When you find what works, imagine your tongue is a machine. It does the same motion, at the same speed, with the same pressure, for as long as it takes for her to come.
Pro tip: Practice with a metronome set to 60 BPM. Lick your hand in rhythm until you’ve internalized the pace. Then you can replicate it on her body.
This rhythmic lick is THE technique. Master this, and you’ve mastered 80% of how to use your tongue during oral sex on women.
TECHNIQUE #4: THE GENTLE SUCK (Adding Intensity)
Once you’ve been using the rhythmic lick for several minutes and she’s clearly building toward orgasm, you can add a fourth technique for extra intensity.
What it is: Gently sucking her clitoris into your mouth while continuing to lick.
When to use it: When she’s highly aroused and responding strongly to your tongue work. Not in the beginning—it’s too intense.
Why it works: It creates suction and a different sensation that can push her over the edge into orgasm.
How to do it:
- 1. Continue your rhythmic licking pattern
- 2. Gently close your lips around her clitoral area
- 3. Create light suction (like sipping through a straw, not vacuuming)
- 4. Continue licking with your tongue while maintaining the suction
- 5. Release and repeat in rhythm
Pro tip: The keyword is GENTLE. Too much suction is painful. Think “soft kiss” not “vacuum cleaner.”
Some women love this. Others find it too intense. Pay attention to her reaction.
If she pulls away or tenses up, go back to just the rhythmic lick without suction.
If her moans get louder and her hips push into your face, keep doing it.
This is an advanced move for how to use your tongue during oral sex on women, so don’t feel like you need to use it every time. The rhythmic lick alone is enough to make her come.
TECHNIQUE #5: THE POINTED FLICK (For the Finale)
This is the most intense technique and should only be used when she’s on the verge of orgasm.
What it is: Using the pointed tip of your tongue to make quick, light flicks directly on the clitoris.
When to use it: ONLY when she’s extremely aroused and close to orgasm (hips moving a lot, breathing very fast, on the edge).
Why it works: It’s the most intense, focused stimulation. It can push her over the finish line.
How to do it:
- 1. Point your tongue (make it as narrow as possible)
- 2. Make quick, light flicking motions directly on the clitoris
- 3. Keep the rhythm fast but consistent (about 90-120 flicks per minute)
- 4. Maintain light pressure—you’re flicking, not pressing hard
Warning: This technique is VERY intense. Most women can only handle it for 30-60 seconds, and only when they’re already on the edge of orgasm.
If you use it too early or for too long, it becomes painful or overwhelming.
Pro tip: When in doubt, stick with the rhythmic lick (Technique #3). The pointed flick is optional and should only be used if you’re confident she’s about to come.
Many women orgasm just fine with the rhythmic lick alone. You don’t need to use all five techniques every time you perform oral sex.
But now you know how to use your tongue during oral sex on women with multiple techniques, so you can adjust based on what she responds to.
THE BIGGEST MISTAKES MEN MAKE WITH TONGUE TECHNIQUE
Now that you know the five techniques for how to use your tongue during oral sex on women, let me tell you the mistakes that will sabotage your efforts:
MISTAKE #1: Changing technique right when she’s about to come
This is the #1 killer of female orgasms. You’re using the rhythmic lick, she’s building toward orgasm, and then you think “Let me try the pointed flick now!”
And boom. You just reset her arousal.
The fix: When she’s responding positively, DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING. Lock in your technique and ride it all the way to her orgasm.
MISTAKE #2: Using too much pressure too soon
The clitoris is incredibly sensitive—much more sensitive than your penis. What feels good to you would be painful to her.
Start light. You can always add pressure later if she needs it. But starting too hard ruins the experience.
The fix: Always start with light pressure. Increase gradually only if she’s clearly responding well.
MISTAKE #3: Getting too creative
I know it seems counterintuitive, but creativity KILLS orgasms when you’re learning how to use your tongue during oral sex on women.
You don’t need to show off 47 different tongue techniques. You need to master ONE technique and use it consistently.
The fix: Pick one pattern (up-down, side-to-side, or circular). Do it at one rhythm. Don’t change it.
MISTAKE #4: Going too fast
Most men lick way too fast. They think fast = intense = better.
Wrong. Fast just feels frantic and overwhelming.
The fix: Use a steady, moderate pace. About 60 licks per minute (one per second). That’s MUCH slower than most guys naturally do.
MISTAKE #5: Ignoring her signals
Your tongue technique doesn’t matter if you’re not paying attention to her body’s response.
If she’s pulling away, she needs you to be gentler or slower.
If she’s pushing into your face, she wants more pressure.
If she’s moaning and her hips are moving, keep doing EXACTLY what you’re doing.
The fix: Use her body as your feedback mechanism. Let her responses guide you.
These mistakes are why so many men struggle with oral sex despite having the right intentions. Now you know how to use your tongue during oral sex on women without falling into these traps.
THE PRACTICE SYSTEM THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: You can read about how to use your tongue during oral sex on women all day long, but reading doesn’t build skill.
You need to practice.
But you can’t practice on your wife’s body while you’re still figuring it out. That creates anxiety for both of you. She feels pressure to respond. You feel pressure to perform.
That’s why I created a practice system that includes an anatomically correct training aid.
With the training aid, you can practice:
- Tongue rhythm (with a metronome)
- Tongue pressure (without hurting her)
- Tongue positioning (flat vs. pointed)
- Building jaw stamina (so you can last 20+ minutes)
- Combining tongue and finger techniques
You practice privately until you’ve mastered the mechanics. Then you use it on your wife with confidence.
Inside “Her Next Orgasm” (my complete oral sex training course), you get:
- The clitoral training aid
- 7-day practice drills with video demonstrations
- A 100+ page illustrated workbook
- Daily exercises to build technique and stamina
- Access to a private men’s community
- Monthly live Q&A calls with me
This isn’t theory. It’s a practice-based system that teaches you how to use your tongue during oral sex on women through deliberate, focused training.
Like learning any skill, oral sex requires practice. The training aid lets you get 10-20 hours of practice without the pressure of performing on your wife.
When you finally DO use these techniques on her, you’re confident, skilled, and ready to blow her mind.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER: THE COMPLETE TONGUE TECHNIQUE SEQUENCE
Alright, let’s put everything together so you know how to use your tongue during oral sex on women from start to finish.
MINUTES 0-3: Broad Strokes (Technique #1)
Use the flat of your tongue to lick her entire vulva in long, slow strokes. Warm her up. Get her used to the sensation.
MINUTES 3-5: Clitoral Tease (Technique #2)
Lick in circles around her clitoris, getting close but not touching directly. Build anticipation.
MINUTES 5-20: Rhythmic Lick (Technique #3)
This is your main event. Pick a pattern (vertical, horizontal, or circular). Lick at 60 BPM. Stay consistent. DO NOT CHANGE when she responds positively.
OPTIONAL: Gentle Suck (Technique #4)
If she’s highly aroused and responding well, add gentle suction while continuing the rhythmic lick.
OPTIONAL: Pointed Flick (Technique #5)
Only use this in the final 30-60 seconds if she’s on the absolute edge of orgasm.
That’s the sequence. That’s how to use your tongue during oral sex on women in a way that actually produces orgasms.
Simple? Yes.
Easy? Not quite—it takes practice.
Effective? Absolutely.
COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT TONGUE TECHNIQUE
Q: My tongue gets tired. What do I do?
A: Build stamina through practice. Use the flat of your tongue (less tiring than the pointed tip). Make sure your head/neck position is comfortable. Practice with the training aid for 10-15 minutes daily to build endurance.
Q: Should I use the tip or the flat of my tongue?
A: For most of oral sex, use the flat. It’s softer, covers more area, and is less tiring. Only use the pointed tip for the final intense flick if she’s about to orgasm.
Q: How do I know which pattern she likes (vertical, horizontal, circular)?
A: Try each one for 2-3 minutes and pay attention to her response. When she moans louder, breathes faster, or moves her hips, that’s the one. Stick with it.
Q: What if she doesn’t respond to any of my tongue techniques?
A: First, make sure you’re using consistent rhythm for long enough (10+ minutes). Most women need extended stimulation. Second, add fingers (the come-hither motion on her G-spot). Third, make sure she’s mentally aroused BEFORE you start oral sex. If her mind isn’t engaged, her body won’t respond.
Q: Can I use toys instead of my tongue?
A: You can use vibrators to supplement your tongue work, but don’t rely on them completely. Most women want their partner’s mouth, not just a toy. Learn the tongue technique first, then add toys if you want to.
Q: Does every woman like the same tongue technique?
A: The principles are the same (consistent rhythm, moderate pace, light-to-medium pressure). But the specific pattern varies. Some women prefer circular, others prefer vertical strokes. That’s why you need to pay attention to HER responses.
WHY MASTERING YOUR TONGUE TECHNIQUE MATTERS
Learning how to use your tongue during oral sex on women isn’t just about giving her better orgasms (though that alone is worth it).
It’s about:
- Showing her that her pleasure matters to you
- Proving you’re willing to learn and improve
- Building sexual confidence
- Preventing the sexual frustration that destroys marriages
When you consistently give your wife amazing oral sex, everything improves. She initiates more. She’s more enthusiastic in bed. She’s more affectionate and connected.
Dead bedrooms kill marriages. Learning how to use your tongue during oral sex on women is one of the most important investments you can make in your relationship.
YOUR NEXT STEP: STOP GUESSING, START MASTERING
You now know more about how to use your tongue during oral sex on women than 95% of men.
But knowledge alone won’t give your wife orgasms. You need to practice the techniques until they become automatic.
You need:
- The right training tools
- Daily practice drills
- Video demonstrations
- Feedback on your technique
- A system that builds stamina and skill
That’s what “Her Next Orgasm” gives you—the complete practice-based training system for oral sex mastery.
Stop fumbling around with random licking.
Stop hoping you accidentally hit the right spot.
Stop watching your wife fake another orgasm.
Learn how to use your tongue during oral sex on women the RIGHT way, with a proven system that actually works.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS
You can keep doing what you’re doing—random licking, no strategy, disappointing results.
Or you can master the five tongue techniques that actually make women orgasm.
Your wife deserves consistent, mind-blowing orgasms.
And you deserve to be the man who gives them to her.
Stop Pursuing Sex. Start Pursuing Her.
And start with mastering your tongue technique.
Ready to become the lover she fantasizes about?
BEGIN HERE
Related Articles:
• How to Perform Oral Sex on Your Wife: The Complete 7-Step System
• The 20-Minute Rule: Why She Needs More Time Than You
• Where Is the Clitoris? The Anatomy Guide Every Man Needs
