Let’s get something straight.
You’re not an idiot for not knowing where the clitoris is.
You’re a victim of terrible sex education. (Women are too…it takes years and decades for us to learn the true expansive nature of our own sexuality.)
Think about it: In high school health class, they showed you a diagram of a vagina that looked like a cross-section of a walnut.
The clitoris? If it was even labeled, it was shown as a tiny dot. A period at the end of a sentence.
Meanwhile, porn taught you that jackhammering for 3 minutes should make any woman scream with pleasure.
Your buddies? They’re just as clueless as you are, pretending they’ve got it all figured out.
And your wife? She’s too embarrassed, frustrated, or defeated to give you a proper anatomy lesson in bed.
So here you are, fumbling around in the dark, literally and figuratively, hoping you’ll accidentally stumble upon the magic button that will make her moan.
Spoiler alert: You’re looking for the wrong thing.
The Clitoris Isn’t What You Think It Is
When I say “clitoris,” what do you picture?
A tiny button? A little pearl? A pea-sized nub?
Wrong. Wrong. And wrong again.
That’s like saying the penis is just the head. It’s like looking at the tip of an iceberg and thinking you’ve seen the whole thing.
The clitoris is not a button. It’s a complex network.
What you can see…that little “button” everyone talks about…is just the glans. The tip. The beginning of something much, much bigger.
The actual clitoris is a sophisticated pleasure system with 18 interconnected parts, most of which are hidden inside her body. It’s shaped like a wishbone, with legs that extend down along her vaginal walls. It has bulbs that swell with blood. It has a shaft that gets erect, just like your penis.
In fact, the clitoris is made from the exact same embryonic tissue as your penis. If you’d gotten different hormones in the womb, your penis would have become a clitoris.
Mind-blowing, right? (Well…it can be for her and for you…once you master it…)
(Her clitoris is an incredible pleasure network.) Photo credit: ClitoClito
The 8,000 Nerve Ending Truth Bomb
Here’s the fact that should humble every man on earth:
The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings. Your penis has 4,000.
Read that again.
She has TWICE the nerve endings you do. (Yet she probably doesn’t orgasm twice as much as you do…does she?)
This is why she needs a different kind of touch than you do. This is why what feels good to you might be overwhelming or even painful for her. This is why subtlety and patience aren’t just nice – they’re necessary.
Those 8,000 nerve endings interact with another 15,000 nerve endings throughout her entire pelvic region. When you stimulate the clitoris correctly, you’re lighting her up like a Christmas tree.
But when you go straight for it like you’re pressing an elevator button? You’re causing sensory overload. It’s like someone shining a flashlight directly into your eyes when you’ve been sitting in the dark.
The Map You Should Have Been Given
Let me give you the anatomy lesson you never got:
The Visible Parts (What You Can Actually See)
The Glans (The “Button”): This is what most people call the clitoris. It’s located at the top of her vulva, where the inner lips meet. It’s usually covered by a hood of skin that protects it from overstimulation. During arousal, it swells and may peek out from under the hood.
The Hood: Think of this like the foreskin of the penis. It protects the sensitive glans and provides friction during stimulation. Some women prefer stimulation through the hood rather than direct contact with the glans.
The Frenulum: Just below the glans, where the inner lips meet. Highly sensitive and often overlooked.
The Hidden Parts (The Other 90%)
The Shaft: Just like your penis has a shaft, so does her clitoris. You can feel it under the skin, extending upward from the glans toward her pubic bone. When aroused, it becomes firm and more prominent.
The Legs (Crura): The clitoris splits into two “legs” that extend down along the vaginal opening, each about 3 inches long. These are why some women enjoy pressure along the sides of their vaginal opening.
The Bulbs: Two masses of erectile tissue on either side of the vaginal opening. They swell during arousal and contribute to the feeling of “fullness” she experiences.
The Urethral Sponge (G-Spot): Yes, the G-spot is actually part of the clitoral network. It’s not a separate “spot” but rather the back side of the clitoris, accessible through the front wall of the vagina.
Why You Can’t Find It (And Why That’s Normal)
Here’s the thing: Every woman’s anatomy is slightly different. Just like every man’s anatomy is slightly different.
Some clitorises are larger, some smaller. Some are more exposed, others more hidden. Some hoods cover completely, others partially.
But we are close enough in anatomical sameness that you can easily adapt our techniques and how-to courses to please YOUR woman.
Plus, the clitoris actually moves during arousal. As blood flow increases and tissues swell, the clitoris can retract under its hood, especially right before orgasm. Just when you think you’ve found the spot, it literally moves away.
This isn’t her being difficult. It’s her body protecting itself from overstimulation.
This is why “finding the clitoris” is the wrong goal. The right goal is understanding her entire pleasure network and learning how to stimulate it properly.
The Penetration Problem
Now you understand why penetration alone doesn’t make most women orgasm.
Look at where her clitoris is located: at the TOP of her vulva, completely outside her vaginal canal. During penetrative sex, your penis is thrust into her vagina, which is BELOW and BEHIND her clitoris.
Basic geometry tells us: you’re missing the target entirely.
It’s like trying to ring a doorbell by knocking on the garage door. You’re in the general vicinity, but you’re not actually hitting the button.
Some women have learned to position themselves so that penetration provides some indirect clitoral stimulation. But for most women, penetration alone is like trying to orgasm from someone rubbing your balls while ignoring your penis entirely.
Feels nice. But could you eventually get there? Debatable. Would it be frustrating as hell? Absolutely.
Your Homework Assignment
Before you even think about touching her, I want you to actually look at anatomical diagrams of the clitoris. Not porn. Not artistic renderings. Actual medical diagrams that show the full internal structure.
Google “full clitoral anatomy diagram” and spend 10 minutes studying it. Look at how it wraps around the vaginal canal. Notice how the legs extend downward. See how the bulbs sit on either side.
Then, the next time you’re intimate with your wife, remember: you’re not looking for a button to push. You’re engaging with a complex network of pleasure that extends throughout her entire pelvic region.
The Bottom Line
The clitoris isn’t lost. You’ve just been looking for the wrong thing in the wrong way.
It’s not a tiny button that’s playing hide and seek. It’s a sophisticated pleasure system that you’ve been ignorant about your entire adult life.
But ignorance is fixable. Not knowing is temporary. What matters is what you do with this information now.
Because your wife deserves a lover who understands her body. Who respects the complexity of her pleasure. Who takes the time to learn the landscape instead of just poking around hoping for the best. (Trust me…poking around ends in cold marriages and dead bedrooms…)
The clitoris has been there all along, waiting for you to understand it properly. With 8,000 nerve endings ready to create pleasure beyond what you’ve imagined possible.
The question isn’t “where is it?”
The question is: “Now that I know what it really is, am I ready to learn how to actually please her?”
Want to Learn the Techniques?
Knowing the anatomy is step one. But knowledge without technique is just trivia.
In my paid newsletter on Substack, I teach you exactly HOW to stimulate every part of the clitoral network. The pressure, the rhythm, the timing – all the details that turn anatomical knowledge into mind-blowing orgasms.
And remember: Stop pursuing sex. Start pursuing her.
P.S. – Still thinking of the clitoris as just that little button? You’re missing 90% of her pleasure potential. That’s like thinking your penis is just the tip. Imagine if she only touched the head of your penis and ignored everything else. That’s what you’ve been doing to her…but we can change that from this moment on…
